"9 Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Built to Last" Review
Introduction
Stress is probably the biggest obstacle to your weight loss. Surprisingly, the root of change may lie in your romantic relationship at home. Here are the top tips from the Livestrong article "9 Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Built to Last” to minimize your stress at home and maximize your focus in the personal training studio.
1. BE PRESENT
The best way to connect with those you love is by being present -- over and over and over again -- says wellness counselor Anne Parker. “Being present means fully engaging in what is being shared between you in that moment, truly paying attention to the thoughts, feelings, and actions you’re experiencing together.” Keep the television off as the two of you share dinner. Switch off your tablet or smartphone in the evening so you can spend time fully participating with your partner -- listening, sharing and experiencing the time you’re spending together. Parker adds that while this may sound obvious and straightforward, think about how often we let ourselves get distracted from truly paying attention. “Without engaged presence,” she says, “relationships quickly wither.”
Personal Trainer Wisdom: All relationships benefit from genuine, respectful interactions. To adequately do this, you must be present without a doubt. With the never-ending distractions and demands from your professional and personal lives, you should really question what you currently offer to your partner. Are you carving out time to interact with them? No matter how long you've been together, are you entirely focused on your partner when you spend time together? I’m admittedly often lured by my phone…we can always justify checking on emails for work, right? In an effort to minimize this habit, I’ve begun placing my phone to the side as soon as I walk in the door after work, and flipping it over (with the sound off). In fact, Sammy and I usually hug as soon as we return home, and then we discuss our day before the television is ever turned on (not an emoji hug). Although I’m not perfect, these little efforts add up. With my newborn son Preston joining the family, a refocus couldn’t be any more critical. How can you be more present?
2. ACKNOWLEDGE THE POSITIVE
While we might have fallen in love with our partners because of their positive traits and qualities, everyday stresses and anxieties can make it far too easy for us to focus only on the negative. “Make sure you acknowledge what’s working,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker, “and give credit for the things that go well even in the midst of conflict.” Try to see that for every one negative feeling or interaction between the two of you, there are five positive ones. This five-to-one ratio, according to relationship researcher and author John Gottman, is typical of stable and happy couples. So instead of focusing on how you wish your partner were different, Parker says, “stay in touch with what you love about that person.”
Personal Trainer Wisdom: You need to keep celebrating the best of each other and the love you share. All people (including me : )) love acknowledgment of the wonderful things they do or the incredible energy they share in the world. You can’t say enough. In a lifetime of imperfections, it is up to you to praise the best of what’s in-between…especially of what you identify in your partner.
3. NURTURE RESPECT
“Respecting each other means remembering that you are two different people, with different perspectives, histories, and ways of being,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker. In a paper published in 2000 in the American Journal of Psychotherapy concerning romantic love and its barriers, the idea of respect is equated to each person taking their partner seriously as a person. The article theorizes that in order to love another in the fullest sense, it is vital to understand and appreciate that your partner, like you, is “the conscious center of her own world, a fellow maker of choices, an entitled holder of rights, values and life goals and an experiencer of joys and sufferings.” Honoring those differences is just as important as valuing the similarities, Parker says. “We all want to be respected for who we are and what makes us unique.”
Personal Trainer Wisdom: This quote is worth repeating: Your partner, like you, is “the conscious center of her own world, a fellow maker of choices, an entitled holder of rights, values, and life goals, and an experiencer of joys and sufferings.” Do you keep this in mind while interacting with your partner? What assumptions do you make about him or her? Are you reacting rather than considering your partner's history and the roots of their perspective? You are entitled to your opinion. In respect to your partner, though, you should take the time to learn “why, what, when, who, how, and where” before passing judgment or making an assumption. Respect is best shown through your willingness to build effective communication. Ask the right questions and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
4. BE CURIOUS
People want to feel that their significant other is interested in them and cares about what is important to them. Cultivate curiosity and interest in your partner. Don’t presume you already know all of his answers, motives, thoughts and experiences. Making such a presumption distances yourself from who your partner truly is, denies him the opportunity for expression and diminishes intimacy. “Make sure that you regularly create focused time to just talk, ask questions and share the thoughts and feelings of everyday experiences,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker. Curiosity breeds discovery, she explains, “and ongoing discovery about each other keeps the relationship vital and interesting.”
Personal Trainer Wisdom: Over time, your wisdom has evolved through your experiences. You most likely have changed in several ways, and it’s not fair to think that your partner has been static during the same length of time. Be curious. Explore how your partner experiences the world each day. You may be surprised to hear how he or she now interprets a situation or handles a challenge differently the second time. It’s a great opportunity to connect on different emotional and mental levels, and it also opens the doors for additional communication and trust.
5. DON’T GET ATTACHED TO BEING RIGHT
When disagreements occur between you and your partner, don’t commit yourself so fully to the idea that you’re the one who’s right that you lose sight of what’s really important. “Getting attached to being right just creates barriers to resolution and productive action,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker. Most of the time it doesn’t even matter who’s right, she says. “What matters is how you connect, listen, discuss and create the most productive result.”< br>
Personal Trainer Wisdom: You should celebrate the best of life together and seek the best and most reasonable solution possible (together) when confronted with a challenge. There is, and never will be, any value in establishing who’s right or wrong…it doesn’t matter if that’s your focus, shame on you. A relationship isn’t a game or a battle. You need to rethink your approach. Even if you’re not at fault, you add fuel to the fire with this attitude. Sorry, drama queens and kings, I'm talking to you.
About the Author: Michael Moody, Wedding Officiant
Michael Moody—author of the self-improvement book Redefine Yourself: The Simple Guide to Happiness and host of the “The Elements of Being” podcast—is an ordained minister serving Denver and other towns across Colorado. He is a 2023 WeddingWire Couples’ Choice Award winner in both Denver and Chicago (his eighth consecutive year), was named “Best Business of 2024 and 2025” by Three Best Rated, and earned “The Best Wedding Officiant in Commerce City, Colorado for 2024” from Quality Business Awards USA. Since 2012, he has officiated more than 300 weddings.
Specifically, Michael officiates wedding ceremonies in the Denver neighborhoods of LoDo, River North, Washington Park, Cherry Creek, City Park, Central Park, Capitol Hill, Cheesman Park, Park Hill, Highland, Platt Park, Lower Highlands, Sloan Lake as well as the zip codes 80215, 80214, 80204, 80203, 80205, 80207, 80218, 80219, 80222, 80223, 80224, 80246, 80238, 80221, 80022, 80230, 80231, 80202, 80209, 80247, and 80210. Michael also serves as an ordained minister in Golden, Boulder, Breckenridge, Frisco, Aspen, Vail, Estes Park, and more.
If your Denver neighborhood or Colorado town isn’t listed here, no worries! Please contact Michael to propose a wedding ceremony location in a different area!
